Eat no Meat Before It’s Dead

What is it about people, who claim to be vegans, that they just can’t keep their eating habit to themselves? When being first introduced to them, they manage to quickly bring into the conversation how they have given up eating meat. Yet, over 90% of professing vegans actually do eat meat. It seems they can never completely get over those cravings for cheeseburgers.

But being a healthy, happy plant only eater is a lot easier said than done. Getting the proper nutrition mainly proteins and the B-vitamins is hard when being bovine benign. A vegan really must mange some unusual vegetables in order to get sufficient quantities of many essential nutrients. Otherwise it’s looking sickly or living the life of a closet beefeater, and we’re not talking that infamous alcohol here.

Still, far too many vegans have to shove their eating preference in many a face as if they’ve found some secret nirvana, and oh yeah, they’re saving the planet! Meat is considered a prime culprit in the so-called demise of the world. For forests are deforested especially in the Amazon leaving more CO2 for everyone to enjoy. And absolutely anything agricultural is already atmospherically CO2 additive.

But this CO2 can easier be countered. Carbon neutrality can simply be obtained by not breathing while eating the meat in question. Follow this precise procedure. First, put piece of beast in mouth. Then while keeping mouth closed, chew sufficiently and swallow. Open mouth and then go “aaaahhh!” Don’t cheat by breathing through the nose now. Use as many clothespins as required.

But it’s not the CO2 that’s the major killer, it’s the methane, dude! And cow farts make a greenhouse gas that’s even deadlier according to the UN and global warming alarmists worldwide. Let the Earth’s epitaph be, “It survived floods, droughts, hurricanes, earthquakes and even a big, mile-wide asteroid, but farts, many silent but deadly, proved more than just odorous but much too onerous for it to handle. Passing gas kills”

Earth’s savior could just be a “Methane Mobile.” This green vehicle runs strictly on emissions of the driver and any passengers. Eating copious amounts of Broccoli and/or Burritos before operating this vehicle may just be a requirement in the owner’s manual. Having gas collectors located on every seat, it could well bring a whole new meaning to tooting down the highway.

So, instead of stopping at a gas station to fill up and feel that the wallet has been totally unfilled, a driver and his family could just eat a well-rounded meal say at any Taco Bell. Eating and driving economically, what other vehicle encourages people to overeat while traveling?

Naturally, it’s a sure bet that most vegans will probably be voting for Barack Obama since he believes that the government should control what we eat. Okay, control might be too strong of a word here. How about regulate to the point where Americans will be strongly encouraged to eat far less and with much less diversity.

Say a voter is still sitting on the electoral fence. Just can’t decide whether to vote for Barack Obama or John McCain. Socialism or Capitalism doesn’t sway him in any way. Working for the man or Uncle Sam just as long as a paycheck is part of the plan. But if he likes eating a Denny’s Grand Slam and driving a Jeep Cherokee Grand, all the while before leaving his home letting his thermostat stand, the candidate who wins the election could well determine if he ends up on a witness stand.

Incidentally, that’s where many oil executives found themselves recently in front of the Demagogue-crat Inquisition. Democrats admitted they have no evidence against them, but believe they’re guilty anyway. One Democrat actually asked an oil executive to prove his innocence of price gouging. The response should have been, “Well, you congressional idiot, prove your innocence that you’re not sexually abusing children.”

Liberals claim drilling is not the solution. But, America can definitely drill faster than alternatively fueling its way to energy prosperity. Waiting for alternative energy is probably decades away despite the many commercials that give an impression it right around the corner. Democrats are gambling with the US economy, and average Americans will end up paying the price if alternative energies fail to materialize.

But back to beef, there’s a perfectly good compromise for vegans. Refrain from eating meat until it’s dead. Then as soon as it dies, consider it fair game. I’m a firm believer in this novel approach to eating other animals. Although I have to admit that I have violated this rule from time to time. Because there is some satisfaction to the grotesque act of chewing live food and then conquering it by swallowing it down to an acidic grave.