Recently, the network, Al Jazeera, has become available to America. Many here consider Al Jazeera, bin Laden’s terrorism network, but until cable companies decide to offer this station en masse, here is what we’re missing…
We will be right back with more wholesome family entertainment on Children Cinema featuring the movie, “Let's Ring Bells While Beheading All the Infidels.” Please listen now to our sponsors who are ALL EVIL CAPITALIST PIGS!!!
Hi, my name is Mohammed Iwan Ma-bod Tugo Kaboom. I was an aspiring suicide bomber living peacefully in Afghanistan. After America’s illegal invasion, I became a detainee here at Guantánamo Bay. When my American captors interrogated me, I would feel back pain and other bodily discomfort. Every day I would lie in my bed. All full of dread waiting for my next interrogation. It got so bad that I almost demanded access to an ACLU lawyer.
Fortunately, the situation improved when my interrogators purchased a Select Number water board. This revolutionary product cushions a detainee with air pockets that conform to his body contours. Unlike other boards that felt like hard wood, Select Number allows me to personally choose, Allah willing, the firmness level.
Now when I’m taken into the interrogation room, I just give the CIA agents my select number. Soon I am in total comfort while I experience the sensations of drowning. It has made a complete difference in my life of jihad, as I know it can in yours too.
Do you know your Select Number? Do not delay; find out today…
Wondering what to get a young jihadi? How about a genuine Palestinian Pet Rock? Yes, a Palestinian Pet Rock is the ideal gift for youngsters of all ages. In addition to being able to play dead, the Palestinian Pet Rock comes with an adjustable bomb belt.
Our rocks are manufactured right here in Gaza through an extensive quality control process monitored vigilantly by UN personnel when they are not hiding from the violence. Each rock has a unique identity and comes covered with authentic Jewish blood donated personally by an Israeli soldier.
The Palestinian Pet Rock is an official product of Gaza. In fact it’s the only product of Gaza, but do not be fooled by imitations from our Zionist competitors who we will eventually push into the Mediterranean Sea!
Act now and we will include at no extra charge a second rock! This is a limited time offer available only while supplies last. Extra bomb belt not included (pet rocks must share)...
Are you stuck in a dead end job? Look no further for a bright future than with a degree earned from the Tehran University of International Studies in Terrorism. Our philosophy emphasizes maximizing target impact. There’s no doubt that our world-renown graduates know how to take life very seriously.
Our newest curriculum is in Nuclear Physics. Many believe that demand for our nuclear graduates and their products will really explode. Yes, their future will be very brilliant, indeed! We predict that every major city in the West will have one.
And starting positions are readily available in major organizations. Our graduates quickly find employment that often ends up being the last job they’ll ever need.
Since there is no age limit, parents are advised to signup their children early, for space is limited since our affiliate institutions in Afghanistan and Iraq have unexpectedly been shutdown. Do not delay; because in today’s world children blow up so fast…
(Actual PETA ad that showed abuse of Australian sheep partially skinned alive censored by Al Jazeera that often airs images of beheadings and mutilated bodies.)
We are back for our movie’s conclusion. Stay tuned afterwards for special footage of a terrorist shooting an American soldier in Iraq…
Actually, that very video appeared on CNN (10/19). Afterwards many nicknamed CNN the Caliphate News Network. Back in April 2003, CNN executive Eason Jordan admitted his network had intentionally withheld Saddam’s atrocities in exchange for access.
This October, CNN’s founder, Ted Turner, stated to the National Press Club that after 9/11 he really hadn’t made up his mind which side he was on. Apparently, now he decided, and it’s with the terrorists.
On CNN, Turner stated after visiting North Korea that he wasn’t sure about Bush, yet he was absolutely certain that North Korea’s nuclear ambitions were solely for civilian purposes. After Korea’s nuclear test, Turner only said he was “very upset.”
So, Al Jazeera’s outlook in America is grim because CNN, its principal competitor, isn’t doing that well either. Turner was asked what he planned to overcome Fox News whose been beating CNN in ratings. He answered with a long, flatulence sound. Why didn’t he say something more informative? Well, Turncoat Turner just couldn’t produce a more intelligent response.
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
Tofu Terrorists (3-18-2008)
You may have heard them. They’ve been all over the radio and TV. No, they aren’t those stupid “3 am” commercials. No, they’re the ACLU (Aging Communists Losers Union) ads depicting the battle between Bush and congress. Actually, it’s “W” vs. “P,” Nancy Pelosi, the “House Squeaker” who’s single handedly holding up the Protect America Act that helped track terrorists and more importantly their phone pals.
Since 911, “Big Phone,” (telecoms in liberal drivel) has freely given calling patterns that revealed potential terrorist cells neutralizing them before they committed a deadly attack. Now telecoms are reluctant because they no longer have immunity from silly lawsuits.
And lawyers are just salivating over a new prospect to suck blood. Democrats who get bucks galore from the trail thugs are simply putting this special interest above America’s national interests. Since a FISA extension would easily pass, “P” keeps her house perpetually in recess. She’s obviously not worried about losing her seat since San Francisco is the tofu capital of the world.
But, that’s not what the ads say. No, they claim Bush is listening to your phone calls and e-mails too. Of course, that did happen, but not under Bush’s watch. Instead Bill Clinton was the president so brazen to institute two NSA programs, Project Echelon (monitored all phone communication) and Carnivore (e-mails) that did exactly what those scary commercials intone. Unfortunately, the ACLU didn’t complain then. So much for defending civil liberties, another myth shattered.
Recently, a conservative sent me an ACLU web ad. It's about a guy on his way home from work ordering a pizza, but the cashier seems to know everything about him. For instance, he has high cholesterol and blood pressure. So, there’s a surcharge because pizza isn’t health friendly. His address is also known. He’s in an orange zone, a neighborhood where a burglary recently occurred, oh-oh delivery surcharge!
Suddenly, his pie is costing sky high. He finally ends up purchasing a sprout sub with tasteless tofu sticks. Don’t worry. He probably has a secret cache of taboo Tabasco, somewhere. This ad argues against corporations and government knowing too much about Americans resulting from instituting a national ID.
However, the ACLU isn’t concerned if the same were mandated under Universal Health Care (UHC). Whereas when the Fed has total control, it’ll be the health care “decider.”
In England, their system now may refuse smokers, the obese and drinkers if determined their treatment wouldn’t be effective. When the government is the only HMO, the unhealthy will have nowhere else to go. One positive though is Michael Moore, producer of Sicko, a pro socialized medicine “fako-mentary.” He’d be denied health care because he’s so fat; he’s his own zip code.
And the nanny state can dictate the lifestyles people can habituate. In England, a proposed law would require licenses for smoking. Anywhere, anytime a policeman can request it for just taking a puff. In New York, trans fats have become verboten. So, the ACLU ad isn’t too far off base in predicting an America where no one moves without the watchful eye of bureaucrats looking.
Both Hillary and Obama would impose a UHC atrocity, but Obama would still be the bigger Tofu Terrorist. However, some Republicans believe that Obama’s election would be a great way to get a conservative elected president. Since Jimmy Carter’s presidency was such a failure, resulting with Democrats in droves voting for Ronald Reagan. Under Carter’s watch, not only did the Soviets invade Afghanistan, but also the first Islamofascist state was born, Iran.
But, Obama could be far worse than Carter. Obama has already threatened to invade Pakistan, a key US ally. Most likely, an Obama invasion would undermine Pakistan’s leader because he’d be attacked by a nation he befriended. And if the terrorists were successful at achieving power as a result, Obama would create the first Islamofascist state with nuclear weapons.
Naturally, Obama voted against the Protect America Act, thus terrorists everywhere are supporting him. Although he bristles at any suggestion that jihadists would celebrate his victory. But why not, he wants to surrender their central front, Iraq.
Columbian terrorists would also rejoice an Obama presidency. Recently revealed, their warlord Raul Reyes was told that Obama wouldn’t support “Plan Colombia” and the TLC (Free Trade Agreement). Without them, Columbia could revert from newly found prosperity back to the dangerous nation it once was.
Finally, for those still afraid that their calls are being recorded in the White House, there’s new technology even more primitive than text messaging but with less carpal tunnel injuries. (Isn’t technology supposed to get easier?). The new smoke signal cell phone billows out plumes that can be seen for miles around yet is supposedly very difficult for all government agencies to intercept, all except the EPA, of course.
Since 911, “Big Phone,” (telecoms in liberal drivel) has freely given calling patterns that revealed potential terrorist cells neutralizing them before they committed a deadly attack. Now telecoms are reluctant because they no longer have immunity from silly lawsuits.
And lawyers are just salivating over a new prospect to suck blood. Democrats who get bucks galore from the trail thugs are simply putting this special interest above America’s national interests. Since a FISA extension would easily pass, “P” keeps her house perpetually in recess. She’s obviously not worried about losing her seat since San Francisco is the tofu capital of the world.
But, that’s not what the ads say. No, they claim Bush is listening to your phone calls and e-mails too. Of course, that did happen, but not under Bush’s watch. Instead Bill Clinton was the president so brazen to institute two NSA programs, Project Echelon (monitored all phone communication) and Carnivore (e-mails) that did exactly what those scary commercials intone. Unfortunately, the ACLU didn’t complain then. So much for defending civil liberties, another myth shattered.
Recently, a conservative sent me an ACLU web ad. It's about a guy on his way home from work ordering a pizza, but the cashier seems to know everything about him. For instance, he has high cholesterol and blood pressure. So, there’s a surcharge because pizza isn’t health friendly. His address is also known. He’s in an orange zone, a neighborhood where a burglary recently occurred, oh-oh delivery surcharge!
Suddenly, his pie is costing sky high. He finally ends up purchasing a sprout sub with tasteless tofu sticks. Don’t worry. He probably has a secret cache of taboo Tabasco, somewhere. This ad argues against corporations and government knowing too much about Americans resulting from instituting a national ID.
However, the ACLU isn’t concerned if the same were mandated under Universal Health Care (UHC). Whereas when the Fed has total control, it’ll be the health care “decider.”
In England, their system now may refuse smokers, the obese and drinkers if determined their treatment wouldn’t be effective. When the government is the only HMO, the unhealthy will have nowhere else to go. One positive though is Michael Moore, producer of Sicko, a pro socialized medicine “fako-mentary.” He’d be denied health care because he’s so fat; he’s his own zip code.
And the nanny state can dictate the lifestyles people can habituate. In England, a proposed law would require licenses for smoking. Anywhere, anytime a policeman can request it for just taking a puff. In New York, trans fats have become verboten. So, the ACLU ad isn’t too far off base in predicting an America where no one moves without the watchful eye of bureaucrats looking.
Both Hillary and Obama would impose a UHC atrocity, but Obama would still be the bigger Tofu Terrorist. However, some Republicans believe that Obama’s election would be a great way to get a conservative elected president. Since Jimmy Carter’s presidency was such a failure, resulting with Democrats in droves voting for Ronald Reagan. Under Carter’s watch, not only did the Soviets invade Afghanistan, but also the first Islamofascist state was born, Iran.
But, Obama could be far worse than Carter. Obama has already threatened to invade Pakistan, a key US ally. Most likely, an Obama invasion would undermine Pakistan’s leader because he’d be attacked by a nation he befriended. And if the terrorists were successful at achieving power as a result, Obama would create the first Islamofascist state with nuclear weapons.
Naturally, Obama voted against the Protect America Act, thus terrorists everywhere are supporting him. Although he bristles at any suggestion that jihadists would celebrate his victory. But why not, he wants to surrender their central front, Iraq.
Columbian terrorists would also rejoice an Obama presidency. Recently revealed, their warlord Raul Reyes was told that Obama wouldn’t support “Plan Colombia” and the TLC (Free Trade Agreement). Without them, Columbia could revert from newly found prosperity back to the dangerous nation it once was.
Finally, for those still afraid that their calls are being recorded in the White House, there’s new technology even more primitive than text messaging but with less carpal tunnel injuries. (Isn’t technology supposed to get easier?). The new smoke signal cell phone billows out plumes that can be seen for miles around yet is supposedly very difficult for all government agencies to intercept, all except the EPA, of course.
More Muddle in Their Political Puddle (3-11-2008)
I’m Jerry Burk, and I approved this message…
It’s three am, and your children are safe and asleep (supposedly), but there’s a phone in the White House (one that Hillary hasn’t thrown yet). It’s ringing (incessantly, apparently nobody’s home). Something is happening in the world (Bill’s on the prowl again). But votes will decide who answers (but only those of the super-delegates count). Who should answer that call? (Are the Ghostbusters still available?)
Well, there’s the honky female or someone who “ain’t done his spadework!”
What candidate would dare using race to win? Bill Clinton compared Obama to Jesse Jackson in South Carolina. Hillary stated that Obama hasn’t done the “spadework.” These not so subtle, “melanin-illy challenged” reminders have backfired to where Hillary is now the “Republican” of the Democrat Party. She’s getting less than 10% of the black vote.
And in classic Democrat style, Obama got voting extended in Cayuga County’s black precincts without any evidence of voter suppression. On Fox News Bob Bechtel, Democrat strategist, admitted that Cayuga comes in last and often asks, “How many votes do you need?” While he may have been joking, in the end Cayuga couldn’t change Ohio’s results no matter how many votes they fudged.
Democrats claim conservatives are racists, but this is just a case of what psychologists call projection, assuming character traits in others that one has in oneself. Pennsylvania’s Governor Ed Rendell, an ardent Hillary supporter, said, “You’ve got conservative whites here, and I think there are some whites who are probably not ready to vote for an African-American candidate.”
For example, a Democrat friend of mine, who just happens to be in the “Quacker” state, recently called me while I was taking a train to Washington, DC. Right before he called, the conductor accidentally took my return ticket to Lynchburg. While still on the phone, I discovered the error. I informed the conductor of the mistake, and she promptly corrected the problem. Afterwards my friend asked, “She’s black, right?”
I responded, “I’m not going to answer that!” What difference does the race of the conductor make? Unfortunately, my friend is racially prejudiced, but he’s a proud Democrat, so he feels it’s vindicated: Not reality, liberal “Feel-ality”
Yet, if a Republican makes an off color gaffe, the biased press will pound him with it repetitively. For instance, Senator George Allen (R-VA) used the word “macaca” accidentally in reference to a man from India, and the media practically put him in a white sheet straightjacket. They ended his political career and any chance for the presidency. Otherwise, Allen would have been that great, conservative candidate found lacking in the 2008 race.
That’s why John McCain avoids laughing at supporters’ jokes of his opponents. He’s trying to give the media nothing to cling to. Because if McCain laughs at Hillary, he’ll be the male chauvinist pig who only stops beating his wife long enough to give a speech on revoking women’s suffrage. If he impugns Obama, he’ll be the hitchhiking Klansman thumbing his way to the next cross burning. The media has become one profession more vile than the trial lawyers.
Hillary and Obama are so electorally entangled that they’ll probably both be on the ticket. It’s just a matter of who’s on top (no sexual innuendo intended here). But, the animosity between them could be so great because each of their egos is so big that neither is willing to be nice and accept being just the vice. Still, McCain is smart to avoid angering Democrats thus giving them less reason to unite against the rotten Republican.
And an intractable divide could occur if either is disenfranchised from the ticket. Femi-Nazis would fling bras at passer-bys at the DNC convention. There’s even a group called “Recreate 68” that is planning to march (riot more likely). The DNC convention could actually be more interesting outside than what’s happening inside.
Democrats have only themselves to blame for a process that’s become a quagmire. Most states divided their delegates such that even with a lopsided victory, both candidates got roughly the same number. Obviously, their process was based on liberalism’s “Nobody should ever lose” philosophy. Unfortunately, nobody wins either.
Since there’s no policy difference between Hillary and Obama and each is equally unqualified to be president, if Democrats nominate Hillary, they must be racists. Conversely, in nominating Obama, Democrats are misogynists, either way victims of their own group identity politics.
Still, Democrats will swoon over such diversity: male/female, black/white, yin/yang. Oh my, it’s hard not to get excited here. But Democrats have achieved with their super-delegates exactly what they deserve: a nomination process that basically ignores their electorate. From Iowa to Porto Rico, millions of votes were cast, but in the end they never really mattered.
It’s three am, and your children are safe and asleep (supposedly), but there’s a phone in the White House (one that Hillary hasn’t thrown yet). It’s ringing (incessantly, apparently nobody’s home). Something is happening in the world (Bill’s on the prowl again). But votes will decide who answers (but only those of the super-delegates count). Who should answer that call? (Are the Ghostbusters still available?)
Well, there’s the honky female or someone who “ain’t done his spadework!”
What candidate would dare using race to win? Bill Clinton compared Obama to Jesse Jackson in South Carolina. Hillary stated that Obama hasn’t done the “spadework.” These not so subtle, “melanin-illy challenged” reminders have backfired to where Hillary is now the “Republican” of the Democrat Party. She’s getting less than 10% of the black vote.
And in classic Democrat style, Obama got voting extended in Cayuga County’s black precincts without any evidence of voter suppression. On Fox News Bob Bechtel, Democrat strategist, admitted that Cayuga comes in last and often asks, “How many votes do you need?” While he may have been joking, in the end Cayuga couldn’t change Ohio’s results no matter how many votes they fudged.
Democrats claim conservatives are racists, but this is just a case of what psychologists call projection, assuming character traits in others that one has in oneself. Pennsylvania’s Governor Ed Rendell, an ardent Hillary supporter, said, “You’ve got conservative whites here, and I think there are some whites who are probably not ready to vote for an African-American candidate.”
For example, a Democrat friend of mine, who just happens to be in the “Quacker” state, recently called me while I was taking a train to Washington, DC. Right before he called, the conductor accidentally took my return ticket to Lynchburg. While still on the phone, I discovered the error. I informed the conductor of the mistake, and she promptly corrected the problem. Afterwards my friend asked, “She’s black, right?”
I responded, “I’m not going to answer that!” What difference does the race of the conductor make? Unfortunately, my friend is racially prejudiced, but he’s a proud Democrat, so he feels it’s vindicated: Not reality, liberal “Feel-ality”
Yet, if a Republican makes an off color gaffe, the biased press will pound him with it repetitively. For instance, Senator George Allen (R-VA) used the word “macaca” accidentally in reference to a man from India, and the media practically put him in a white sheet straightjacket. They ended his political career and any chance for the presidency. Otherwise, Allen would have been that great, conservative candidate found lacking in the 2008 race.
That’s why John McCain avoids laughing at supporters’ jokes of his opponents. He’s trying to give the media nothing to cling to. Because if McCain laughs at Hillary, he’ll be the male chauvinist pig who only stops beating his wife long enough to give a speech on revoking women’s suffrage. If he impugns Obama, he’ll be the hitchhiking Klansman thumbing his way to the next cross burning. The media has become one profession more vile than the trial lawyers.
Hillary and Obama are so electorally entangled that they’ll probably both be on the ticket. It’s just a matter of who’s on top (no sexual innuendo intended here). But, the animosity between them could be so great because each of their egos is so big that neither is willing to be nice and accept being just the vice. Still, McCain is smart to avoid angering Democrats thus giving them less reason to unite against the rotten Republican.
And an intractable divide could occur if either is disenfranchised from the ticket. Femi-Nazis would fling bras at passer-bys at the DNC convention. There’s even a group called “Recreate 68” that is planning to march (riot more likely). The DNC convention could actually be more interesting outside than what’s happening inside.
Democrats have only themselves to blame for a process that’s become a quagmire. Most states divided their delegates such that even with a lopsided victory, both candidates got roughly the same number. Obviously, their process was based on liberalism’s “Nobody should ever lose” philosophy. Unfortunately, nobody wins either.
Since there’s no policy difference between Hillary and Obama and each is equally unqualified to be president, if Democrats nominate Hillary, they must be racists. Conversely, in nominating Obama, Democrats are misogynists, either way victims of their own group identity politics.
Still, Democrats will swoon over such diversity: male/female, black/white, yin/yang. Oh my, it’s hard not to get excited here. But Democrats have achieved with their super-delegates exactly what they deserve: a nomination process that basically ignores their electorate. From Iowa to Porto Rico, millions of votes were cast, but in the end they never really mattered.
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