Don’t Offend Me, Cause I’m An ET

Many liberals consider anyone who doesn’t support the gay agenda an extremist akin to an al-Queda terrorist. If one argues traditional marriage, his underlining reasons won’t matter. He might just as well pull out a sword and threaten to behead right there on the spot because liberals are anal especially when debating anything homosexual.

A good example would be the recent ranting of Paris Hilton, gay “Miss America” judge (Isn’t that oxymoronic?), and the treatment of Carrie Prejean. Liberals also never championed Senator Larry Craig (R-IL) who was caught, “Looking for love in all the wrong bathrooms.” Having uncontrollable urges to stand wide particularly when around porcelain, he professed; “I’m not gay” after his guilty plea went national.

Craig became the butt (probably not the best word here) of jokes of not only late night television but also the liberal media. They didn’t feel his pain. Yet, had Craig been a Democrat, he’d been lauded just as congressman Gerry Studs (D-MI) was. When Studs died in 2006 during the Republican Foley non-sex e-mail scandal, he was hailed as a “Gay Pioneer.”

It didn’t matter that he had actually had sex with a 17-year old congressional male page! Liberals justify their hypocrisy by arguing that Craig doesn’t support gay issues. Apparently, it’s okay to rape boys if one advocates gay marriage. Still, to legalize gay unions, liberals would do anything having tolerance to the point of being “homo brained.”

Like accepting extremely high taxes, for the same politicians who advocate the gay agenda also think your money is theirs. Thus, gay unions are really a very expensive proposition. Just look at states like Massachusetts and New Jersey, tax hells both.

Yet, marriage exists to be an emotional straight jacket. The primary purpose is keeping “heteros” from abandoning their progeny. After the romance fades, some spouses might split leaving their kids in the lurch.

Marriage is also fatalistic the vows being, “Till death do us part.” Where else is a contract sealed where someone’s demise is the only acceptable way out? The mob, but it doesn’t sign contracts; lucky leavers might lose just a finger. Also, many couples at the beginning are EUI, “Emotionally Under the Influence.” Who in that state of mind is even capable of making a life long commitment?

I’m only willing to broach this subject because I have recently discovered that I myself am transgendered. I knew my sexual identity had to be different from anything normal once congress passed special protections for sexual deviants like pedophiles and not for American heroes like veterans.

Now that I have an irregular sexual orientation, why if anyone criticizes me, it’s not only offensive, but it’s also bigotry. In fact, I’m an “Evolving Transgendered,” i.e. I’m an ET. My orientation changes as I discover new aspects of my sexuality that I find useful and can then append to my so-called “identity.”

Currently, I’m a sexually repressed, cross dressing lesbian trapped in a man’s body who wears my mommy’s underwear and afflicted with having occasional, yet short duration goat longings, which never quite require encumbering explanations for my Christian conservative existence. Yes, it’s quite a mouthful, and the explanation is even more so.

First, I’m “sexually repressed,” for I’ve been married over 14 years monogamously. Apparently, I’m not sexually liberated being with only one person of the opposite sex and having never been with an animal.

Next, being a “cross dressing lesbian trapped in a man’s body” might be construed especially by the un-enlightened as just being a heterosexual male. I assure you that it’s completely different though in very unexplainable ways.

I do wear underwear that my mother makes from material she finds at garage sales. She makes boxer shorts and labels them, “Kathleen M. Burk, Made in the U.S.A.” Yeah, no Chinese boxers ever touch my bottom.

The next part “goat longings” comes from a British news story of a man seen having his way with a goat by a train full of commuters back in 2002. Each time there’s a deviant story, I flashback to this disgusting tidbit. Like four Democrat legislators (2005) in Massachusetts introduced a bill to soften penalties for bestiality, and the 2007 Sundance Film Festival accepted “Zoo,” a wonderful film about an Enumclaw man who died in 2005 after having sex with a horse.

Anyway, I’ve always wondered about people who think to themselves, “I gotta get me a goat.” If I ever have feelings of that perversion, they’d be so quick that as soon as I realized them, they’d be over. So, I’ll never find myself in a barn at night straddled between too pens with a lawman’s flashlight shinning in my face. Then excusing myself, “Honest officer, I was just looking for a petting zoo.”

Stagnation Nation of a Reality Challenged Generation

Who would have thought that the messiah would return as soon as he did recently in the Middle East? According to Revelation, Jesus would descend with trumpets among billowing clouds. Alas, twas nothing compared to Air Force One descending into Cairo, Egypt, for stepping off that plane was not just a man and not just the president.

Newsweek editor Evan Thomas appeared on “Oddball” with Chris Matthews where Matthews almost electrocuted himself from all the tingles going up his legs from Obama’s speech. Apparently, O is for “Obamagasmic.”

Thomas beamed, “I think the President’s speech yesterday was the reason we Americans elected him [what do you mean we?]... But what I liked about the President’s speech in Cairo was that it showed a complete humility [Obama knows not this concept]... The question now is whether the President … can carry out the great vision he gave us and to the world.”

Then, Thomas really gushed, “I mean in a way Obama’s standing above the country, above, above the world, he’s sort of God.” Unfortunately, for Thomas like all Obamatons he’s wrong. Obama’s not some kind of god. No, he’s more than a messiah.

Jesus, hereto now known as Messiah Version 1.0, said that there would always be the poor indicating that even he couldn’t solve poverty. While he was here, he may have fed multitudes with a few loaves, but Obama will cure poverty for good with enough trillion dollar spending and “share the wealth” programs.

And while Jesus merely walked on water, Obama, like a messiah Windows-XP update, claims he controls the sea level, saying his election will be when the oceans stopped rising. And, Jesus may have calmed a storm that arose while asleep on a boat, Obama will stop climate change completely, just a phenomenon that’s only been occurring since little ole Earth began.

In fact, Obama may be even more powerful than the Sun, that yellow orb that’s only 800 million times the size of Earth. A recent NASA study, that’s been almost completely ignored by the media, concluded that all of the observed climate change in the 20^th century was caused by ole Sole. Still, they did add the perfunctory face saving grace concluding that man causes all climate change now.

So by inference, Obama rules the weather. Still, Obama won’t ever accept the sun’s role because that means we don’t need him or his trillion dollars “Stick It to Us” plans. One thing this Superman Socialist learned from his prestigious “edumacation” is that he’s so smart he can run everyone’s life even though he’s run little else before.

Liberals have always had qualms using the religious terms B.C. and A.D. Instead, they’ve been using the secularized terms BCE (Before Common Era) and CE. But, B.O., which normally means Body Odor, could now mean “Before Obama,” designating the time when we were essentially messiah-less and all walked around like zombies. Eventually, A.D. will mean “After Destruction.”

And, while our fearless leader wants to take away the arms of American citizens who actually have a right to possess them, he has no problem with Iran getting nuclear weapons. Maybe, the US Constitution should have a “living document” reinterpretation where individuals would instead have a right to bear nuclear arms. Can’t defend yourself with a bullet, but you can blow to smithereens any section of a city.

Liberals also revere abortion doctors. When one was recently murdered, Obama issued a statement immediately condemning it and why not? He was a fellow prophet in his culture of death. Performing many late term abortions and for profit no less is apparently the best way to pursue this wannabe messiah’s heart.

But, when a recent radical Muslim convert killed US soldiers, they got practically nada from the messiah. Where did liberals learn to hate the military? One possibility is that it came from the Soviets themselves.

Their propaganda not only taught that freedom was slavery and total government control was liberation, but they also included a heavy dose of anti-military rhetoric. Well, the Soviets didn’t want American youth joining the US military to defend their freedom.

They actually had dreams of defeating America someday. They were after all serious about world domination. The irony is that even though their system collapsed they may still be successful at bringing ours down, for this generation is so caught up in trivial occupations as their freedom disappears.

What makes the founding fathers’ feat of the US revolution even more incredible is that they weren’t lulled by their material comforts into accepting a deteriorating status quo. Instead, they risked everything to create a system where individuals were free. Unfortunately, today’s generation lacks an understanding of what’s being lost, and the price that previous generations paid for it.