The “ShamWow” Solution

Obama’s EPA should really be called the Environ-anal Projection Apparatus. It will project enviro-weenie-ism onto America forcing many out of work and out of luck. It’s actually considering and most likely will mandate the “protection” of not only a stupid rat but also practically shut down farming because of dust.

First is the America Pika, a rat that lives high in the Rocky Mountains. Supposedly, it’s threatened by climate change because it can’t beat the heat. Apparently, it can’t shed enough fur so instead it must head higher. Unfortunately, it’s running out of mountain. Oh no, another rat species could bite the dust.

But, the problem is the earth isn’t getting hotter. It’s getting cooler not that it matters. Eco-whackos want this rat to be the equivalent to a mountain version of the polar bear. Another supposed threaten species by man even though there are more polar bears than ever before. So, it’s another canard of crap from enviro-weenies. Like the spotted owl, it supposedly could only live is old growth trees.

Many logging jobs were lost because of this myth. But, spotted owl nests were actually found in K-mart signs. Well, maybe they just needed old chain department stores. In the end the real culprit was the bard owl. Being a more efficient hunter, it pushed the spotted owl out of its habitat.

And like acid rain that was supposedly killing trees, which in fact was a fungus interfering with manganese absorption, enviro-analists always assume that it’s man’s fault.

Then, there’s dust on farms. Obama’s EPA may ban it, but plowing a field and wind kicking up dust go together like apple pie and ice cream. Still, every five years the EPA according to the Clean Air Act must review the latest scientific information and recommend changes to the regulations.

In 2006, the EPA determined larger particles than previously thought were dangerous. Apparently, they were knocking people over when they took in deep breaths. Still, those whiney farmers, who just want to grow the food we eat, are complaining that this new regulation will give them no recourse. That it’s virtually impossible to keep dust completely within their property lines.

Maybe, plastic could cover the fields to contain the dust although that would keep out sunlight and rain each sort of important to growing crops. Then again, Obama’s EPA will most likely eventually ban plastic since it’s mostly made from evil oil.

EPA spokeswoman Cathy Milbourn said these changes are not just a matter of regulating dust. It’s for the public’s well being. Levels of dust must be the same everywhere and regardless of activity. Yes, this is the kind of EPA America needs. Who wants to eat unless the air is absolutely perfect? Eating is highly overrated, anyway.

And with the financial markets unstable and unemployment skyrocketing, maybe now isn’t such a good time to implement “Crap and Trade.” But, Obama is so gung ho to put a carbon tax on every business that will only enhance the hemorrhaged of horrible job losses.

In fact, it’ll accomplish the predictable plant closings here in America and moving those jobs to India and China. Each has pledged to never reduce CO2. Of course, these morons in the “White Wash House” will blame the depression like unemployment on failures of the free market, which functions very poorly with socialists in control.

Last year, vice presidential candidate Joe Biden said that America must shut down all its coal-fired power plants and give the Chinese our clean coal technology. If this administration gets its way, America won’t need it anymore, so someone might as well use it. As crazy as Biden sounds though, at least he left some room for even more insanity. That’s actually somewhat hard to do concerning this administration.

Maybe, the government should pay Chinese workers to mine our coal too. That’s only a tinge crazier than what Biden suggested. Give the Chinese our coal, our clean coal technology, our jobs and pay Chinese workers to do it all because we certainly wouldn’t want Americans to mine dirty coal.

But to truly stop climate change or chaos whatever they’re calling it these days, the oceanic oscillations, which led many to believe another ice age cometh in the 1970’s, will have to be stopped. Maybe, America could throw enough ShamWow Towels into the oceans to absorb all the water, lock it in so that they can no longer wreak their havoc on our climate.

And if done in the next 20 minutes because even though the commercial runs all day Vince, their spokesman, tells us that he can’t do his double the ShamWow towel deal all day, could save trillions. By the way, why would anybody by a product with the word “Sham” as part of its name?