Obama’s Diary: Election Entry Excerpts

Below are actual entries from Barack Obama’s diary after his historical election as president. His innermost thoughts expressed here are more revealing than any coverage given by the macaca media. The only modification to the text was removal of all “ahs” in order to make it more readable.

Entry: Election Night

What a win, what a win! Let the true socialist revolution begin. Americans won’t know what hit them. Let the spreading of the wealth start happening, except mine, of course.

Entry: Wednesday after election.

I’m still so ecstatic. I made so many promises I can’t keep track of them all. Many think I’m going to pay their mortgages and put gas in their cars. Some even think they’re getting a tax cut of $5000. That’s a real laugh. They really don’t know my plans. I’ve never supported a tax cut in my life.

It’s amazing what one can promise when having no intentions of ever keeping them.

Entry: Thursday after election.

Rahm Emanuel will be my chief of staff. The media will portray him as bipartisan, but I know he’s the ideal “Pit bull politician” that I’ll need to whip congress into compliance.

Entry: Friday after election.

I’ve talked with my lawyers and they told me that I can’t be a senator and the president simultaneously. I guess I’ll resign from the senate then. Note to self: don’t forget to eliminate congress as an effective legislative body later. I really like Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez’s method of getting dictatorial powers. I especially like his leader for life idea.

Entry: Sunday after election.

I’ll meet with Bush tomorrow. I’ll use my technique that I describe in one of my memoirs of acting non-threatening around white people. He’ll drop his guard, and then I use something he says against him. Even though the election is over, I just can’t resist the chance to demonize him one more time.

Entry: Monday after election.

I met with Bush today. He’s a nice person, but rather naïve. I’ll leak that he wanted a quid pro quo. He’d approve an auto industry bailout if I ratified CAFTA. I wouldn’t approve CAFTA in a million years because I don’t believe in free trade. Besides my comrade Hugo Chavez is against it. He hates Columbia and its capitalism. Viva the revolution!

Entry: Tuesday, Nov 11

I must form my governing team, but I don’t want anyone with detrimental baggage. I want the application to specifically ask whether prospective staff members could have anything potentially embarrassing to my administration.

Maybe, I should expand that to associations with terrorists, racist reverends and Islamic radicals. No, that would look somewhat hypocritical. I argued that associations didn’t matter during my election. Like heck they do, I wouldn’t be where I am today without them.

Entry: Wednesday, Nov 12

Also, I must ask employees if they own guns, and families, friends and anyone they’ve ever met. Wait, that’s a little extreme the “ever met” part, scratch that. But I don’t want any gun clingers. I may believe in the second amendment, but I don’t want anyone but my people with guns.

I talked with Joe Biden, my man for the assault weapons ban. He’s willing to push legislation to eliminate all concealed gun carry laws nationwide. I want America to be totally gun free, and then my national civilian defense force can operate with little resistance.

Entry: Thursday, Nov 13

I really hate Fox News especially Sean Hannity and Rush Limbaugh too. I can’t wait to re-impose the Fairness Doctrine. Come June, AM radio will be nothing but cooking shows. I want to expand government control of the media till only Keith Olbermann can be watched. Maybe, that’s a little too drastic. I don’t want to over-reach. I’ll wait until later on that.

And with my truth squads, free speech will be just a notion of the past. Fairness Doctrine, I love that Orwellian terminology. That reminds me. I want Card Check ASAP. My union buddies are clamoring for the elimination of the secret ballot. Without that hindrance, they’ll be able to threaten non-union scabs until practically every employee in America is paying dues to their union boss masters.

Entry: Friday, Nov. 14

Bill Ayers interviewed on Good Morning America. Now, he’s a close friend, but I wish sometimes he’d just shut up like before the election. Yammering “Politics of fear,” how am I going to nominate him as Secretary of Education if he’s giving interviews reminding everyone that associations don’t matter?

I’m thinking of making Hillary Clinton Secretary of State. One problem is that she’d be in line for presidential succession. Sure, there are three people in front of her, but even she wouldn’t dare to eliminate them all like Vince Foster. Or would she?