O Brother, Where Art Thou?

My holidays were spent in sunny, southern Florida. Twas a wonderful time with family except for one caveat, a variable of potentially contentious and uncontrollable emotions often expressed in threats and anger otherwise known as a long “estranged from family” brother.

For nearly 30 years, this estranged brother, hereby referred to as EB, has blamed his family for various “issues” in his life. From his misguided anger, he has chosen to miss many family gatherings including his parent’s 50th wedding anniversary.

Now the fact that EB has been and still is emotional distraught is not at all that noteworthy. Many families have at least one member, who had a childhood with perceived “wrongs” that occurred to him or her. Other siblings were either the cause or escaped unfairly because of favoritism.

Yet, EB chose not to grow up but instead to grow into childishness acting for the most part like a little, hurt child. Yet, what makes EB a little interesting is his strange form of liberalism i.e. pro-regressivism, a warped view that produced some mildly amusing interactions.

The first was that EB had just been released from prison serving just 30 days for disorderly conduct. Supposedly, he came home a little drunk one night and some kids were in his yard that he wanted to leave. It ended up with some swearing and a scuffle. But because EB didn’t call the police first, he ended up charged, or so that was his story.

Rather strange to get so much time for such a minor crime, but then EB has been known to fudge “facts” as he goes. Besides he’s a jailbird! And only my brother could give even jailbirds a bad name.

However, when he recommended jail for everyone that’s when the family was introduced to another rule, actually an undeniable law, of his. It was that nobody could talk with credibility on any subject or place unless they had experienced it or lived there. So, it wasn’t good enough to simply view a program on TV about life in prison. One had to be a jailbird like my dear old brother.

And naturally, EB was all for ObamaCare. Obviously, he doesn’t fear a government controlling his healthcare even though government had just jailed him for defending his property rights.

Years ago, EB traveled “the world” in a cramped camper so he knows everything about logging in the Pacific Northwest since he camped there briefly. EB expressed great concern for 400 year old spruce trees, which should not only be protected but worshipped even though EB professed to be an atheist.

Yet, when asked what was so important about old trees, EB didn’t have an answer other than it was a habitat that took years to produce. Well, every place is a habitat. Deserts, tundra, deep in the ocean, even under Antarctica ice, life has been found.

But when a habitat changes, it just changes what life it will support. In the case of a chopped tree, no termite would be complaining. Still, EB never mentioned the spotted owl even though I was sort of hoping he had.

Apparently, spotted owls being not as dependent on old growth trees as enviro-whackos claimed are out of favor. Yeah, spotted owls would just fly around a tree and somehow count the rings to determine its age. And if an old growth tree couldn’t be found, a spotted owl would rather die or maybe not and nest instead in a Kmart sign. It has now been determined that the bard owl was endangering the spotted owl and not loggers.

Still, replanting trees wasn’t good enough. Many loggers had to lose their jobs not that EB cared. He’s only “lived” briefly in the Pacific Northwest. It’s not like he tried to make a living there as a logger. Then again nobody but he could talk about it.

Then, EB brought up Easter Island that place way out in the South Pacific where the natives built those weird statues and then died out. Pro-regressives use that as the example of why they need to save the Earth. Why this planet is just one big “Earther Island.” Their solution is mankind’s progress must be severely curtailed. But how could EB know? He’s never even visited that faraway island in his camper.

Anyway, EB made it clear soon after he found out I write a weekly column that not only was it not worth reading. It was also not even worth me writing. He knew this because he’s read my column. Wait, he only just found out about it. Okay, EB knows my column’s unworthiness because he can speak about things he knows nothing about. I wonder if he’d think my column was worth reading when the article is about him.